When I got my first boyfriend when I was fifteen and we were making out I remember feeling NOTHING, straight up, nothing. If anything I just felt upset because we did so on a beach and I got sand in my cell phone. Same thing happened with sex; wasn't fun, felt nothing.
But I'm told the first time is always like that.
Anyway, we broke up a month later and I pretty much slutted around for the next year and a half. I really don't know any other way to put it, haha. What I mean by slutting around though is making out with a bunch of guys and having 9 one night stands. (I don't recomend that anyone try this, and I'm not proud, and I'm not saying that what I did was okay. 15/16 year olds can be pretty stupid.)
Umm, okay. I don't exactly remember weather or not I enjoyed the making out, considering that the ';slutting around'; period of my life occured simultaneously with the ';cocaine is awesome'; period of my life. So to say the least I was pretty not there the whole time. I do know, however, that sex wasn't enjoyable until the eigth one nighter, and that happened like, right before I quit doing coke.
Like three months after that eigth guy I started dating my most recent ex, and sex was good, making out was kind of grody, but that was whatever. Like a month before the relationship ended I started thinking about dumping him because it was one of those relationships that could've gone on for years if I'd let it, and I wanted to hook up with a girl without having to cheat. I'm not down with cheating.
The whole ';wanting to hook up with a girl'; thing isn't so random though,
because when I started thinking about it I came to some realizations:
-I used to have a crush on one of my current best friends, who is a girl, back in fifth grade.
-If I'm trying to um, you know, get myself off, I can't do it by thinking about guys. Thinking about hot guys dosen't work, thinking about me and a guy dosen't work, nothing that involves a guy works. Girls only. So I guess I mean to say that every fantasy in my head is girl on girl.
-I check girls out, like walking down the street and stuff. Or If I'm somewhere and a girl has got a really great rack or something, I've got that image in my head and I do not forget it. I even remember mentioning to my ex things like, ';did you see that cute indie girl with the nice ***?'; haha.
-the whole ';not finding hooking up with my first boyfriend at all enjoyable'; thing. it made me wonder if by slutting it up i'd just trained myself to like sex with guys? or something?
-And then there's just little things that could either mean something or be disregarded, like my South of Nowhere obsession or drunk kissing girls or the fact that on TV when a girl is changing or taking a shower or whatever it does turn me on.
...but I've heard that happens to everyone.
Right?
And then there's the little things that are slightly odd,
like at dances, girls freak dance with other girls to attract guys (silly, but effective) and some of my friends don't do that with me, like, they freak out. and then at sleepovers instead of sharing a bed with one of my friends I always get the couch. and then i was hanging out with some friends and someone talked about how they heard that girl in our class got her you-know pierced, and i mentioned that she lies about everything and that it probably wasn't true, so one of my friends said that someone should find out and after a pause htey all said my name!
so i'm wondering if there's stuff tha ti do and am not aware of that is kind of sexual towards girls or something? because i have no idea. i've just aways held the belief that either i'm just weird about some things but other wise straight or that every girl is like me as far as attraction towards girls goes.
i feel kinda silly asking but i really, really don't know...
like if i see a good looking guy i'll be like, ';he's hot!';
but then it kinda goes the same for girls,
i just won't say it.
and to make things worse i've always said that bisexual people are like unicorns; they don't exist. which is stupid and rude and i know that's not true, like i know that saying that is narrowminded and it dosen't mesh at all with any of my other morals, values, or beliefs, so i'm thinking my saying that could be some auto-defense mechanism to prove to myself that i'm not that, because that dosen't exist? even though it really does...
um. yeah. the end. anyone have an answer? / =Do I like girls or boys or both?
i reckon your bisexualDo I like girls or boys or both?
Well, deep down inside, only you will know the answer.
Its completely natural to want to experiment with the same sex. God knows i had my ';slutty'; phase in my life. I was young and searching for myself. I've been with both males and females.
When you find ';the one'; it wont matter if its a guy or a girl. Love is a connection you feel with someone. The sex of that person doesnt really matter. As you get older, you will realize what you want.
Just remember, its ok to be attracted to both male and female. Think of it like they are a great piece of art. You dont have to be bi, gay or straight to appreciate something (or someone) that is beautiful.
Just remember to keep an open mind. Also, be safe.
Uh well how about you just go with the flow. If you're attracted to someone, get to know them and date them, doesn't matter if they're a boy or a girl as long as you like them and they treat you nice. You'll figure it out along the way. Really, no one else can answer this for you..you have to go out and live and answer it yourself. :)
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